what's in my diaper bag?

ok, y'all know me.  i love bags.  no one should be surprised by this.  as such, i knew when i was pregnant with charlotte that i had to find the perfect diaper bag.  i was blessed to be given an awesome diaper bag with charlotte's name and an owl embroidered on it by my bff kathryn, but when charlotte got older and needed more stuff, it ran out of room :/.  i went through...i have no idea how many bags.  i loved them all for different reasons but couldn't find the one bag that had it all.

until...

someone at skip*hop must have been following me around on my search, because they designed a bag that finally met my needs and looked awesome doing it.

this is the skip*hop grand central diaper bag in cinnamon.  it has about a billion pockets (no, not really, but i'm not sure how many) and holds everything i carry easily.  i'm a serious overpacker and this bag can handle it.  i love it.  it's made from an easy to clean material (just wipes off!  awesome!) and the straps have a nice drop length.  the bottle pockets on either side are insulated and are large enough to hold two bottles in each.

the bag has three compartments.  the two outer have snaps that hold them closed, and the middle one has a zipper.  it also has two zip pockets on the front and a slip pocket in the back.  i use the front compartment for my things, the middle for diapering supplies and toys, and the back for food/snacks.

so, what exactly am i carrying around these days?

in the front two pockets, i keep things i need to get to easily.  in the top pocket, i keep clorox wipes and pacifier wipes.  in the bottom, a burp cloth and a travel sprayer of lysol.  i usually keep a bib in there too, but i had to use it.  

 the insulated pockets on the sides are huge.  in one, i keep two of charlotte's bottles.  we use the playtex drop-in nursers, and i fill them with 6 oz. of water before going out.  in the other pocket, i keep her sippy (water with a splash of juice) and the innobaby pack and smart filled with sweet potato puffs from happy baby and gerber strawberry yogurt melts.

 first compartment: neutrogena shine control pressed rice powder, my keys, nyx mega shine lip gloss in golden pink, a pen, arrisse lipstick in wink, lypsyl beeswax lip balm, advil, nivea creme, and my wallet.

diapering supplies:  skip*hop changing pad (detached from a skip*hop pronto), honest company healing balm, 5 size 3 pampers cruisers, huggies wipes case with huggies one and done wipes in cucumber and green tea, a sleeper, huggies disposable changing pad, tide to go pen and a gallon size ziploc bag.

toys (and a couple of things i forgot in the last picture):  itzy ritzy snack bag in whale watching pink, sophie la giraffe teether (full sized sophie is hanging out in the car), bright starts teething rings, monkey rattle, haba color snake clutching toy, aden and anais swaddle blanket, taggies blanket, booginhead sippiegrip straps, baby buddy secure-a-toy, baby einstein take along tunes, garanmals teething book, arm and hammer dirty diaper bag dispenser, babyganics daily moisturizing lotion.

health and grooming:  carter's swaddle blanket (pink flamingos!  so cute!), contents beauty case, japonesque hippo hairbrush, contents of medi-buddy first aid kit including bandaids and stickers, boogie wipes, baby tylenol and syringe, infant gas drops, hyland's teething gel, boudreaux's baby kisses, humphrey's teething strips, camillia, a thermometer, red cross nail clippers with magnifier, safety first comb.

foooood: itzy ritzy snack bag in cupcake couture, skip*hop zoo bib, baby mum-mums, oxo tot formula dispenser, playtex drop-in liners, nuby infant forks and spoons, piyo piyo baby food scissors, two sprout baby food pouches, gumdrop teether pacifier on a booginhead pacifier clip.

hanging on the outside of my bag is a purell hand sanitizer (not pictured) and this jujube paci pod, where i keep two pacifiers that charlotte just like chewing on.  the yellow has an owl on it--so cute!

so moms, what's in your diaper bag?

A REAL Baby Story: The Birth of Charlotte Grace

I know this is really overdue, since tomorrow Charlotte will be 7 weeks old.  (Where does the time go?)  I also know that something like 2 people who weren't there when this happened might actually care, but I know there is more than one mama-to-be on my friends list, and I thought (narcissistic much?) that telling our story might help someone.  I don't know about that, but here's what I do know:  I wanted to absorb all the birth stories I could while in the late weeks of my pregnancy, so maybe this will do someone else some good.

Here's the first thing you need to understand.  I was in prodromal (early and, as Dr. Bradley might have said, 'putzy putzy') labor for two weeks.  TWO.  WEEKS.  Yeah, see, that part?  Not so much with the fun.  Day after day of 'is this it?', holding my figurative breath and waiting, only to get...nothing.  Nada.  Zippo.  The emotional toll is rough enough...add to that the quite painful contractions that went on and on and on and on...well, you get the point. By the time the week of our first predicted due date rolled around, I was exhausted and more than a little rattled.  This would prove to be a problem later.  On Thursday, June 20^th, my midwife stripped my membranes in the hopes of getting labor started since we were facing a potential induction (I had gestational diabetes, and with that comes the concern of early placental failure, a real risk that I was afraid to face) and she knew I wanted a totally natural childbirth (NUCB).  Immediately afterward, I began having strong contractions, so we got excited that it might have worked.  After an hour or so, the strength wore off, though the contractions kept coming in an uneven rhythm and lacked any feeling of pain.  In fact, they felt good—tingly and warm.  I figured if this was active labor, I was set!  I knew there was more to come, however, and settled in for a long labor.  As the day went on, however, the contractions really died down, and by that night, they had completely stopped.  I was heartbroken and incredibly disappointed because I’d been so excited.  I cried myself to sleep that night thinking that was the end. 

Friday, my husband’s office threw us a baby luncheon/shower at a local restaurant, and everyone commented that I looked like I could go into labor at any moment.  I tried to joke along, but I was feeling really unwell and not feeling a lot of fetal movement, so I was getting concerned.  After the luncheon, I went home to rest and see if I began to feel better.  I got home around 12:30pm, and at 1pm on the dot I was suddenly slammed with rhythmic, cramping back pain that took my breath away.  It became clear pretty quickly that these cramps had a nicely established pattern—5 minutes apart, lasting 60-70 seconds.  I called my midwife’s office and left a message for the nurse, then called my husband at work.  I kept timing the cramping and realized quickly that I was having real back labor (hooray). For those of you who don't know, back labor is usually the result of the position the baby is in as it drops, and it feels exactly the way I would imagine being rhythmically clobbered with Thor's hammer might feel.  (I am only mildly exaggerating.)  Again, this point--and the cause behind it--becomes important later. The midwife called back right away and told me that despite my plan to stay home as long as I could tolerate the pain, she thought I ought to head over to labor and delivery because she was sure I was in active labor and it was progressing fast.  Thomas hustled home, and we put our bags in the car and headed to the hospital.  I should also point out that during this time, I talked many times to my sister, Melissa and Kathryn, all of whom were very excited and incredibly supportive.  Thanks, guys!  :)

We arrived at the hospital, where I got to declare, grinning through the pain, 'I'm in labor hooray'.  Thomas and I were escorted to triage and hooked up to a contraction monitor and a fetal heart rate monitor.  A nurse checked me (ouch) and told me I was 4cm and 80% effaced.  Charlotte’s head was also low, but not low enough.  She told me she figured I would go home and come back when things got really rolling, but that my doctor would be in soon.  An hour later, my doctor came in and checked me.  I was now a solid 5cm dilated but still only 80% effaced.  Charlotte’s heart rate was still holding steady, but my doctor was concerned about the lack of accelerations.  She told me that I was experiencing dysfunctional labor and that we could do one of two things:  either go home and wait it out, or let her break my water to try to establish a consistent pattern.  I was overwhelmed by both ideas—I was ready to move forward and get to “real” labor, but I also wanted to allow Charlotte to be in charge of her own birth.  I was confused and a little scared, so I started to cry.  I asked my doctor what she would choose in my place, and she told me that she would choose to have her water broken and in fact had when she was in my shoes during her own natural labor.  My contractions were still coming hard and steadily, and she was sure this would help me progress.  Thomas and I asked for some time to discuss our options, and in the end decided to trust my doctor’s extensive knowledge and have my water broken.  Off we were sent to a labor room to settle in.  

We went over our birth plan with the nurses that were there, even though they were about to change shifts at 7pm.  The primary nurse was incredibly skeptical of the plan to go natural and even told me that she’d never seen a first time mom come in with that plan and follow through.  I was glad she was about to leave!  She set me up with a Heplocked IV (after the 3^rd attempt, she called another tech, thankfully!) and then my doctor came in to break my water.  She told me it wouldn’t hurt—liar!  Well, the breaking of my water didn’t hurt, but having her hand where it was did!  Then, the contractions exploded, and I was scared I couldn’t go through with the NUCB.  I started crying and telling my husband that I wanted the epi, and he did exactly as I had asked him during our childbirth classes—get me to try “just one more thing, just one more contraction”, and then we would decide on the epi.  He calmed me down just in time for the arrival of my doula and my new nurse, who was a huge fan of the idea of natural childbirth and made it her mission to see me through.  By then, the rest of both sides of the family had arrived, and things were moving along slowly, but moving.

I walked the halls for ages, bounced on the birth ball, swayed in place and got in and out of the tub, all in an effort to progress my labor.  After a couple of hours, my brilliant doula Lisa suggested using a breast pump to get my contractions into a stronger and more effective rhythm.  My nurse brought it in and I got started.  That worked—a little too well!  My contractions got twice as strong, and I was struggling to breathe through them.  I spent 15 minutes using the pump at a time and dealing with incredibly unpleasant contractions.  I really didn’t want to use the pump again!  It worked, so I would use it every hour for 15 minutes at a time while laboring in the tub to try to ease my pain.  My nurse checked me again and I was thrilled to hear I was 8cm dilated.  Progress!  At about 1am, endorphins kicked in and I started feeling really good—like Wonder Woman!  My birth team (Thomas, Lisa, Calley, Melissa and my awesome nurses, Jenn and Jessica) put on a 90’s playlist and danced and sang.  We were really having fun, and I was breezing through my contractions.  My husband and I even slow danced to a romantic song—just us in the room, dancing together and enjoying a few moments alone before we became parents.  It was probably the highlight of my labor.  Then, at about 3am, I hit transition—HARD.  It was nasty and dark and ugly and I was feeling out of control and scared.  Time lost all meaning and I remember very few specifics about it.  I remember my husband crying to my sister that he was having a hard time seeing me in that kind of pain, and I remember briefly seeing my father during one contraction and watching him get upset at the sight of me struggling.  The only other thing I remember was hearing my late mother’s voice telling me that she was proud of me and that I could do this, not for me but for my baby girl.  Hours went by, and as the sun was rising, I was checked again.  8cm…no more progress.  By that point, I was completely exhausted and my contractions, though still steady, were no longer effective at advancing my labor.  I expressed concern to my birth team that I was already so tired that I was afraid I’d have no energy to push, so my nurse suggested something to combat my nausea and help me rest.  I agreed and once it was on board, I was able to doze for a few hours. 

Around 11:30am, my doctor came back in and checked me again.  No progress.  She did an external examination as well and told me as best she could tell, not only was Charlotte posterior (hence the back pain and contractions), but her head was transverse in my pelvis and she had a nuchal hand on top of it.  Remember how I said her position was important?  Yeah.  She was at an angle in there and was wedged in fairly tightly, and she was sunny side up--face up instead of down.  (A nuchal hand just means that her hand was on her head--ever since the moment the child grew her hands, they've been in her face.  Even now, she does it.)  Because my doctor was such a big believer in natural birth and knew how much I wanted that, she was upset on my behalf but advised me that a c-section was the safest bet at this point.  My husband and I talked it over and agreed that this was all we could do.  She called for the epidural and then (I found out later) went out into the hall and cried out of sadness and frustration.  I got the epidural and had a chance to speak to everyone who was waiting for the baby’s arrival.  The timing could not have been more appropriate—my blood pressure began to drop and along with it, Charlotte’s heart rate.  Suddenly, the “this is our best option” became “this is happening NOW”.  My family and birth team gathered for a prayer and I was whisked to the OR.  First cut took place at 1:44pm and Charlotte was born screaming at 1:53pm.  7lbs, 5.6oz, and 20.25” long with a head full of golden brown hair and the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen.  She was and is healthy in every way.  

I'm not going to go into all of the issues after her birth--this isn't the time.  This is just for celebrating the miracle of my little baby and the work that went into getting her safely--by me, my birth team and my doctor, who I firmly believe saved Charlotte's life.  It was an incredible experience from start to finish.  I recovered well from the surgery and feel totally fine physically.  Emotionally, my recovery has been a little rougher.  I am disappointed and sad about the outcome of my birth experience, but I had nearly 24 hours of natural labor, and I am so proud of what I learned my body and spirit can do as a result.  I got the best of all birth worlds in one shot!  In the end, my daughter arrived healthy and safe, and I am working through my feelings about the birth with the help of a lot of loving and supportive people. 

So there you have it--the epic drama of the arrival of my first born child.  It was a wild ride, and when I think back on it, I'm happily startled at everything I was able to do.  So many people figured I'd never make it without an epidural, but I did until the time came when I had no choice.  (By the way, that was one heck of an epidural--I was numb all the way up to my shoulders!)  I am more proud of myself for getting through it the way I did than of anything I've ever done in my life.  Charlotte is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so blessed to be her mommy.  Raising her is going to prove to be the ultimate adventure, and Thomas and I can't wait!

feeling awfully emotional today...

i recognize that this is neither 1. new or 2. news to anyone who knows me.  today, however, is a bit of a struggle.

i am facing making a pretty difficult and unpleasant decision.  i am getting a new car.  for most people, i know this would be an exciting time and a happy choice, but it isn't really for me.  i love my car, but it's having some pretty expensive issues and we just can't justify the price to fix the problems when balanced against how much it's worth.  so i'm faced with letting grover, my big blue monster, go.

this is harder than it probably should be because my mom actually 'picked out' my car.  shortly before she died, we were at the dealership looking at cars, and she looked down the row we were near and said 'what's that?' and pointed to a blue suv.  the salesman led us to a bright blue dodge nitro, which she (and i) loved the second we got in it.  i test drove it with her riding in the backseat, windows down, sun shining and radio playing.  it's a wonderful memory of a time that was the calm before the storm, the light before the darkness.   i have cherished my car ever since, because not only is it a great car and fun to drive (or it was, anyway), but because she loved it so.

i know that if she were alive today, she would tell me i'm being silly and that it's only a car.  she would want me to drive something safe and comfortable, especially with Charlotte on the way.  (i haven't had a working air conditioner in two years.  i got used to it, but i cannot subject my infant daughter to that kind of misery.)  so tonight, Thomas and i are going car shopping.  i have my eye on a pretty sweet hyundai santa fe at lowe toyota, so we'll see.

all day long, i've been thinking about the day i bought the nitro and how much fun i had driving mom around.  i know i'm sad for a much deeper reason than the car.  i'm sad because my mom never got the chance to meet my husband.  she never saw me in my wedding dress or saw my baby bump get bigger or saw her granddaughter kicking and squirming on an ultrasound screen.  except i think she did, from a comfy seat in Heaven.  but i didn't get to see her see any of that, and that hurts.  trading in the car is one more reminder of the mom i don't have here with me anymore, of the days when she was healthy and alive and full of life and joy and so, so much love.  the car is symbolic of what i've lost.

maybe now it's time to find a symbol of all i've gained.

we miss you, mom.  we love you, always.

why my little miracle is a true miracle

i'm quite sure that everyone is sick of hearing me talk about my pregnancy.  i try not to overload anyone.  but now, more than halfway through with this whole deal (i'm now almost 24 weeks along), people like to ask questions, and i don't mind answering them.  talking about her makes her more real, and i fall more in love with her every day.  even with all the people congratulating us and asking tons of questions, i feel like people don't know why it is we feel little Charlotte is such an incredible gift for us.  some of this may be tmi, and i apologize for that.  if womanly functions make you squeamish, you might want to turn away now.

in early 2006, my period stopped.  just, out of nowhere...total halt.  it had been irregular for as long as i could remember, so at first, i wasn't concerned.  i was so busy with work and my friends and family that it seemed less of a problem and more of a blessing, and i lost track of the amount of time i went without a period.  time passed, far more than i should have allowed, and before i knew it, it was summer.  one excessively warm morning in july, i awoke to pain so severe it made me vomit.  when i was finally able to pull myself off the bathroom floor, i realized that my period had started.  the cramps were unholy, and the amount of blood seemed a little much, but i assumed it was all due to the length of time that had passed.  i cleaned myself up, took four advil, and went to work.

by the time i arrived at the office, i already needed to change my feminine protection.  as the morning went on, i went back and forth to the bathroom a number of times...enough to catch the attention of my boss.  she asked me what was wrong, and tired and feeling awful, i told her.  she was immediately concerned and advised me to go to the doctor.  when she heard i didn't have an ob/gyn, she gave me the name and number of hers.  i called and once i explained the situation, i was set up for an emergency appointment.  there, i was thoroughly examined and given a diagnosis:  polycystic ovary syndrome.  multiple cysts on both of my ovaries that were affecting my hormone production.  it explained both the missing periods and the mega bleeding i was dealing with then. i was scheduled for surgery right away--a d&c, to clear my uterus and stop the bleeding.  i was told that had i not come in, the results could have been much more dire.  i was hemorrhaging  from a pressure bleed in my uterus and could easily have bled to death.

the surgery was relatively easy.  the recovery was harder, with terrible cramping, more bleeding, and an adverse reaction to the antibiotics.  the emotional recovery was much worse.  at my post-op followup, the doctor advised me that it was highly improbable and in fact unlikely that i would ever be able to have a child of my own.  if i did manage to conceive, i would probably miscarry before the end of the first trimester.  i was absolutely destroyed.  for months afterward, the sight of a baby, the sound of a child's laugh, even seeing baby clothes in the store would set off a torrent of tears.  i struggled to understand why God would allow someone who had so much love to give to a child to suffer such a fate.  this contributed to the distance i felt forming between me and God, making the idea of worshiping Him that much harder.  (that's a story for another time, though.)  slowly, i tried to climb out of the dark, deep hole i found myself in, and i put the idea of having children away, believing that it wouldn't matter since i would be single the rest of my life anyway.

fast forward to 2009, when i met my husband.  before we ever got engaged, we had a long talk about the future and what we wanted.  Thomas wanted children, and i had to explain my painful secret to him.  he was amazing in reacting to the whole thing, and he told me that we would adopt if need be.  he didn't care where the kids came from as long as they ended up with us.  i had already realized what an incredible man he was--this just sealed the deal.  we decided that after we got married, we would give getting pregnant a shot after we'd been married a year.

less than two weeks after our one year anniversary, the word 'pregnant' appeared on the digital pregnancy test i took.  and now, 6 months later, i feel my little girl, my princess, my Charlotte Grace nudging at the inside of my belly as i type this story out for you.

all children are blessings, yes.  and they are all miracles.  mine just happens to be a little more miracle to me. so yeah, maybe i am a little biased.  ;)

it's bright out here! (says me and the baby)

i know.  don't start.  i'm a slacker.  i think that for once, i have a pretty good excuse, since i am growing a totally new human being inside me.  a perfectly healthy, two dimensionally beautiful, 185bpm heart rate having, spinning, twisting, shy and silly little person who has taken over my heart so completely that she is in everything i do.  i've seen her head, her chin, one shoulder, her spine, her ribs and the two tiniest and most delicate feet i've ever laid eyes on.  (yes, for the purpose of this blog and for ease of wording, i'm sticking with the feminine.  besides, my mommy intuition says this wiggleworm is a girl.  sorry in advance if we're wrong, little Liam baby.)

no one ever told me about the weird quirks of pregnancy.  sure, everyone talks about the constant peeing, the morning sickness, and the fatigue.  i've never heard anyone complain about being 10 degrees hotter than the air around you.  i only get cold when the temperature gets below freezing.  right now, it's great.  come may or june, i could spontaneously combust.

and the 'growing pains'.  these weird, pulling, stretching pains.  i wait in fear for the next sneeze, trying to be prepared for a potential explosion.

the stopped up nose.  it needs to stop.

i complain about these things, of course, and there are more 'quirks' that irritate me (see: spontaneous projectile vomiting and bone deep fatigue), but seeing my baby swimming around in there makes it all worth it.  and today, while sitting and procrastinating this week's homework assignment (i. hate. statistics.), i felt this...flutter.  like butterfly wings in my belly.  like tiny little bubbles.  now, i know what you're thinking.  it wasn't gas.  i know what gas feels like.  i asked two different women who had children, and they confirmed it for me.

it is very likely that i felt my child move today.

if that's not enough of a reason to keep me busy, i don't know what is.

ha! freaky facts about me

so on youtube i saw this tag going around where people were answering questions about quirky personal habits. the questions sounded like fun, so i figured i'd copy them and answer them myself.

#1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?   hmm.  that's an interesting question because the people i consider 'family' aren't all biologically related to me.  my sister and many of my wesleyan sisters call me 'beeah'.  (calley spells it 'bia'.)  when calley was little, she had trouble pronouncing the 'r' in my name, so i became bia.  i told my friends at wesleyan about it, and the name was revived and stuck.  kathryn calls me 'b'.  



#2. What's a weird habit of yours?  weird habit?  me?  nothing!  actually...my husband says that sometimes when i'm working on schoolwork or reading or something, i roll my tongue around in my mouth and make little noises with it.  i don't even realize i'm doing it!  


#3. Do you have any weird phobias?  not anymore.  when i was a kid, i was petrified of roly-poly bugs and inchworms.  i know, i know...bizarre.  i was also tickle-phobic, but thomas broke me of that.

#4. What's a song you secretly LOVE to blast & belt out when you're alone?  'total eclipse of the heart'.  i'm not ashamed!

#5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?  willful ignorance.  and stupid drivers.

#6. What's one of your nervous habits?  i pick at my cuticles.  yes, i know it's gross.  shut up.

#7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?  if you are standing at the foot of the bed, it's the right.  away from the door and with thomas closest to the gun.  :)

#8. What was your first stuffed animal & its name?  a teddy bear named sara.  i actually still have her.

#9. What's the drink you ALWAYS order at starbucks?  iced caramel macchiato with non-fat milk and no whipped cream.

#10. What's the beauty rule you preach.. but never ACTUALLY practice?  always wash your face before bed.  i admit it--i get lazy.

#11. Which way do you face in the shower?  back to the spray at first, then facing it.

#12. Do you have any 'weird' body 'skills'?  not especially.  i can put on lipstick without using my hands, but can't most girls?

#13. What's your favorite 'comfort food'/food thats 'bad' but you love to eat it anyway?  chinese food.  i always want it when i'm upset or sick.

#14. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?  'aw, dick'.  'douchecanoe'.  'he/she/they done lost his/her/they damn mind'.  (i realize that last one is not grammatically correct, but it's true.  also, there is one old  and good one, but it's too vulgar to post here.  kathryn reminded me of it a while back, and it is still funny after all these years.)

#15. Time to sleep- what are you ACTUALLY wearing?  more than likely, a tank top and shorts.  if it's cold, pj pants and a t-shirt.  i know...super sexy!  




after answering these, i realize that on the whole, i'm pretty normal.  seems strange that i'm not more, well...strange.  

paint by numbers

i have become obsessed with makeup.  like, seriously obsessed.  i've ordered it online, driven to macon to go to ulta, shopped in every discount store in town.  i've compared countless brushes, bought a drawer organizer at the church yard sale, and filled the drawers with baskets and products.

my drawers look like they belong to a makeup artist.  and it makes me happy.

i've discovered two high quality and inexpensive lines recently.  one is elf, or eyeslipsface.  it can be found at target, kmart and even the dollar tree (shout out to kathryn for finding it there the other night) or online at eyeslipsface.com.  i've tried products from two of their lines, the essentials line and the studio line.  (i don't wear mineral makeup because i have fairly oily skin.)  i. love. it.  i have primers and bronzers and powders and brushes from both lines, and i am super impressed.  the brushes are soft and full, and they have a wide range of different shapes.  the makeup is great, too.  they have a contouring bronzer and blush combo that looks like an exact duplicate for the nars orgasm and laguna duo.  i've also used their matifying powder, because again--oily skin.  works as well as the more expensive powders i've tried.  i'm also super impressed with their eyeshadow primer...i think it is as good as the urban decay primer potion.  the best part about elf products?  the price!  everything in the studio line is only $3, and the essentials line?  $1.

yes, you read that right.  one dollar.  four quarters.  10 dimes.  100 pennies.  (pennies are practically obsolete these days, aren't they?  i can't remember the last time i used a penny.  i have a bunch jingling around in the bottom of my purse...probably enough to buy something from elf!)

the other company whose products i have been hoarding is nyx.  ulta carries this line, as does one of the beauty supply stores in warner robins and a couple in macon.  nyx cosmetics can be purchased online as well.  nyxcosmetics.com is their official site, but i have seen better prices at cherryculture.com and beautyjoint.com. in fact, i just placed an order with cherry culture because they had a 20% off coupon code and a free shipping deal.  i got several things i couldn't find at ulta, so i'm excited.  i can't say enough good things about this company.  cruelty free, tons of gorgeous colors to choose from, and fairly inexpensive.  the shadow trios at ulta run about $8, and i picked up a 5 color palette from cherry culture for $7.50.  not bad for five colors, especially when you consider the cost of single shadows of decent quality in the drugstore.  the colors are very pigmented and go on so smoothly.  i have so much fun matching them up and playing with combinations. the lip products are awesome, too.  rich lipsticks and vibrant, nonsticky glosses.  i even love their blushes, and i've never been much of a blush girl. in fact, just tonight i ordered my very first cream blush.  we'll see how that goes.

thomas told me earlier that he had read about something called the 'lipstick index'. basically, the chairman of estee lauder stated once that women were more likely to purchase lipstick instead of higher cost items in times of economic trouble.  the idea has been proven false, but the psychology behind it makes sense to me.  i know that i am much more likely to brighten my mood by buying a $4 lipstick than a $20 dress or pair of shoes.  just making that little change and adding that pop of color improves my mood quite a bit.  even now, as sick as i feel (i have a throat infection that makes me feel like i'm swallowing razor blades), organizing my makeup collection in my new drawers and putting away my latest nyx haul from ulta cheers me up.  of course, then i choke on my own saliva (lovely image, i know) and my cheer dissipates.  oh well.  medication can cure what makeup can't.  in the meantime, i think i'll check out some smoky eye tutorials on youtube...